Thursday, November 06, 2008

Keeping Busy and Keeping the Pain Meds Nearby

We've been non-stop since we got back from our trip.  I'm so glad we went and at least had that one day to go into NY City for the play.  I can tell I'm refreshed from the trip.  Haven't really been on a vacation in 4 years, since my Mom died. 

Although I'm refreshed, having terrible headaches, even as I write.  Treximet is getting used more often.

Remembered Mom on her birthday this past Monday.  She would have been 78.

Well, I didn't make any browny points with the expecting Moms from my Yahoo group.  Looking over what happened, I was just so upset that an agency, any agency, I don't care if it was my own agency, would tell prospective adoptive parents that the wait to adopt from China is a year to a year and a half.  I wish it were my own agency, so I could contact them and ask why is this inaccurate information being given.  Now there are certain circumstances if one of the parents is Chinese, born in China, and some others, but it's not the case with this young couple.  Just feel so much for them...and just wanted to help.  And felt terrible giving the bad news that it would be more like a 6 year wait.

I don't really keep up as much as some of the soon-to-be parents on the board do, and they have been so great at sharing information they hear, so I went to them.  Well, unfortunately I mentioned the agency's name and the group policy emails went up like a big red flag...then if that wasn't enough, other posts kept coming in after I said there was no intent to bash...then if that wasn't enough, the co-moderator put up a reminder post to not name the specific agency in your post.   I really have appreciated the group so much and well, I guess they are not the group for me.  I realized then that no apology, no explanation would be good enough.  Reminds me of what happened when I sent a friendly email asking the family to fill out a Christmas list so we could shop for each other...I believe to this day, that they do not believe my intentions were not as they think they were. 

EGOS, EGOS, EGOS is what I thought.  All of it is egos.  If I tried to say any more, it probably would have been my ego conversing with their ego.  So pulled out the Eckart Tolle's A New Earth book again, and specifically re-read where he talks about the role of being a parent.  Most parents are human and leave out the being.  Go do your homework, go to the park, do your chores, brush your teeth sort of stuff is being the role of a parent, the human part.  The being is giving the attention to your child, spending time, being in the present with them.  It was really good to read that the first time...that was Mom...she was a parent and stuck to her role very well.  She still parented up until the day she died.  Yes, I know, most Moms are like that...well then, their identity is the role of a parent and they have lost what it means to be a human and a being.  Mom could not function outside of that role.  Eckart talks about that, that some parents can never be anything else once their kids are grown and on their own.  She did not want us to go off and be happy and succesful...she wanted us to stay with her.  She wanted to always have control.  It's always about that control...

So my lesson learned with me being the one bashed from the group is they are not people I can connect with, their identity is with their agency and their ego clouded them being able to see that my concern was for this young couple getting accurate as my ego wanted to defend myself, I woke up and became aware that what is better for me to do is to just walk away...

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1 comment:

  1. yo p!

    just checking in!!! I hope things are going well!!!

    are you ready for the holidays??? moi, not so much, but I want to be. there's a cool fair trade holiday fair locally today, I think I'll go check it out, after I have a run and a chai of course!!! LOL!!!


    - L


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